i give up ....

i can NOT figure out how to put comments on this bastard.
i have enabled it in the settings.
i have changed the user type.
i have screamed.
i have sworn.
nothing is working.

PLEASE HELP!!

email me, since OVBIOUSLY you can't post a damn comment. (insert angry face here)

jessieinperu@gmail.com

rushing by ...

life is constantly kicked into high gear, i'm just doing my best to keep up.

things have been changing rapidly.

i am staying in ludington for a littl bit.

i am perfectly clueless as to what the future holds for me.

i'm so glad i got to hang out with kelly and sean.

i need more shoes.

the end.

random thoughts.

God never ceases to amazing me.
I'm moving back to Lima in 2 weeks.
I FINALLY met Daniel Rudd in person.
I just loaded a million songs onto my computer (thanks pammy).
I have spent far too much time today drinking coffee and re-arranging my beloved myspace.
I need to pee ..... again. no thanks to the coffee.
I have a new found appreciation for my gramma.
I am really missing cousin kate.
I think i have fallen head-over-heels in love with a certain set of twins (thank you daniel).
white pizza - nothing like it.
I need to go running.
I miss Peru, and all those i love there.

what a LOOOOONG night.

so last night i went to the movies with my family here in peru to see ... uhmmm "untraceble" (i think that's what it's called in english). AMAZING movie ... but during the movie my friend began to have extreme pain in her left arm, and around her heart. SCARY!! So when we got home her parents called an ambulence, because the pain had become increasinly worse on the ride home. She was also burning up with a fever. My first thought was that she had an infection ... which is increadable DANGEROUS when it's that close to your heart. Needless to say ... i was worried!! I sat up with her for an hour (peruvians dont do anything quickly) until the paramedics, and her parents arrived. the paramedics came and couldnt diagnose anything, so this gave her this painful shot in the butt (my hand still hurts from the squeezing that it got). But her parents weren't satisfied that the paramedics had done their job. So they called another doctor to come to the house four hours later. I camped out next to her bed, in case she needed anything ... and i woke up to the sound of the doctor coming up the stais early this morning. I was concious to hear him say that she had a bad infection, and that she needed to do ... blahblahblah. I lifted my head off my pillow to say " man, i should have been a doctor"!! Laughter all around the room, and then i went back to sleep for a couple more hours. All in all ... i am EXTREMALY sleepy today :P

but the end is that my friend is doing better today, she can actually walk across the room without feeling like she's going to pass out, or throw up her guts!

THANK GOD!!

a little update ...

So i went to this awesome jazz club a couple nights ago!! !

Here are some fotos!!

ENJOY!

aaaaaahhhhhhh

the unforfortable part if growing up is realizing that you ARE in control of your own decisions. And the only one that can answer for them ... is YOU!!

yikes.

the things boys do ...

I am only one week away from returning to the states now. And i have this odd assortment of emotions. I am SO excited to go back and see my family. But, i have this incredible pain when i realize that i'm leaving this amazing country. My friends here are some of the most amazing people that only come along once in a lifetime. I know that i will see them again ... but it wont be the same. We can email, even webcam ... and it wont ever be the same. But ... this is where i know that i have to trust that God has things in control.
Right now i am sitting in my friends beach house, enjoying the last few days i have here, and holding onto these sweet memories.


mmm, one small observation ... boys are ODD creatures. I am at the beach with three boys ... and they are worse than girls sometimes!! There are times when i can't get a word in. They also happen to ALL be muscicians ... so forget trying to put in your two cents worth!! ohh, and we al made dinner last night - FUNNY!! These are three boys that have cooks and maids ( might i say, best time in the kitchen i've ever had!!) The mess that three boys can make is INCREDIBLE! They wanted me to eat a meal specific to peru. Very sweet, but WHOA what i mess.

good times ... good times ...

did i mention that we went quad running on the beach? And that we chased crabs around on the beach and we currently have five living in the sink outside :P ohh dear, the things this boys find amusing. I hope i survive (i secretly LOVE it)

later peeps.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

- Mother Teresa -

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
album: United We Stand (2006)

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your graceEverlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

the only thing consistant in life is change.

TEARS

Tears for what i have.
Tears for what i've lost.

Tears for what could have been.
Tears for what never was.

Tears for happiness.
Tears for sadness.

Tears for my family here.
Tears for my family there.

Tears for love.
Tears for apathy.

Tears for brokenness.
Tears for healing.

Tears for the future.
Tears for the past.

scary stuff.

No matter where you are in life, at some point you begin to get comfortable with your surroundings. The people, the place, and the culture. But sometimes comfort shieldes you from what is really going on around you.
So I have begun to go for walks by myself in the evenings, because its a way to decompres from the day. And I love it!! I go for walks with my friends, and its something else i really enjoy because its quality time with them. Last night i was supposed to go out with some friends after youth, but i wasnt feeling good so i went home. This morning i was chatting with one of my friends and he told me that when they went for a walk last night they were robbed, and when they tried to run the men started shooting at them. They tackled one of my friends, held him down on the ground and put a gun to his head. I have never been so thankful for being sick! But i am also sad that my friends had to go through this trauma. Please keep them in your prayers tonight, and throughout this next week. They are peruvians, and so they are having an even harder time than normal. This is their country, their culture, and their peers!!

Lesson learned: Dont walk alone!!!

Reality.

I have come to realize that reality crashes in on you whether you're ready or not. Like today for instance.
I went and had lunch with a dear friend of mine from Australia today. And i was telling her about some of my cultural frustrations. Such as: in Peru it is VERY common to have a maid and a cook. I know it sounds extravagant, but here it's just normal. Now, one would think that i would be eating this right up ... but wouldn't you know it - i find it weird. I WANT to do the dishes. But i can't. I WANT to sweep the kitchen floor. But i can't. I WANT to make dinner some nights. But i can't. It is the weirdest thing to say - but i am having a hard time with this. I dont even vaccum my own bedroom floor. if i didnt make my bed every morning before i left for work, i would come home to find it made for me. And last night my dear cousin and confidant Christine made me realize that I am being stripped of my American independance. And i feel naked.
But then tonight i was standing outside of my house flagging a taxi when i spotted a man walking towards me in ripped clothes and worn shoes. Not thinking much of it i turned back to my task at hand - waving down a taxi. But then something struck me as odd. So i looked back to the man standing near a pile of garbage that had been set out for the trashmen to pick up in the morning. What i saw was this lonely man digging through the trash, looking for anything to eat, and anything of value. And it broke my heart. The song "hosanna" by Hillsong ran through my head at that precise moment " Break my heart for what breaks yours ... " One of my favorite songs had come to life, and in living color made sense. I felt it. I felt my heart breaking for this man. And then it hit me. BE THANKFUL for what i have here in Peru. I shouldnt be complaining about not being able to do the dishes. I am blessed beyond all reason to be able to be living here, in this country, and with this amazing family.
The sight of the man stayed with my for a long while after, and i think in some way it has changed the shock of these culturally accepted things i could not find myself to accept. And instead of complaining, i will choice to be thankful.

long time no ... writing (man i'm bad it this!!)

So many things are new and exciting in my life right now. At the top of the list would be my travels. Currently i am living in Lima, Peru for the next year of my life.

You know ... living in another country has always been a dream of mine. You can't imagine the feeling i get when i realize that i'm living my dream.

Do you ever get that? That moment in life where you are in the middle of something and then all of the sudden it hits you. " I am doing what i've always dreamt of"!! And maybe for others it's painting the piece of art they've had in their mind for years, or when writing a heartfelt song, or climbing mount everest. But for me it's when i'm sitting in a taxi, flying down a busy highway, cars honking, dogs running, smelling the scents of Lima (an odd mixture of smog, food, and culture) and i get this breathtaking realization - I'M REALLY TRULY LIVING!! And nothing in the world can compare to it. Nothing. I feel as though i should pinch myself somedays. It's almost too good to be true.