the only thing consistant in life is change.

TEARS

Tears for what i have.
Tears for what i've lost.

Tears for what could have been.
Tears for what never was.

Tears for happiness.
Tears for sadness.

Tears for my family here.
Tears for my family there.

Tears for love.
Tears for apathy.

Tears for brokenness.
Tears for healing.

Tears for the future.
Tears for the past.

scary stuff.

No matter where you are in life, at some point you begin to get comfortable with your surroundings. The people, the place, and the culture. But sometimes comfort shieldes you from what is really going on around you.
So I have begun to go for walks by myself in the evenings, because its a way to decompres from the day. And I love it!! I go for walks with my friends, and its something else i really enjoy because its quality time with them. Last night i was supposed to go out with some friends after youth, but i wasnt feeling good so i went home. This morning i was chatting with one of my friends and he told me that when they went for a walk last night they were robbed, and when they tried to run the men started shooting at them. They tackled one of my friends, held him down on the ground and put a gun to his head. I have never been so thankful for being sick! But i am also sad that my friends had to go through this trauma. Please keep them in your prayers tonight, and throughout this next week. They are peruvians, and so they are having an even harder time than normal. This is their country, their culture, and their peers!!

Lesson learned: Dont walk alone!!!

Reality.

I have come to realize that reality crashes in on you whether you're ready or not. Like today for instance.
I went and had lunch with a dear friend of mine from Australia today. And i was telling her about some of my cultural frustrations. Such as: in Peru it is VERY common to have a maid and a cook. I know it sounds extravagant, but here it's just normal. Now, one would think that i would be eating this right up ... but wouldn't you know it - i find it weird. I WANT to do the dishes. But i can't. I WANT to sweep the kitchen floor. But i can't. I WANT to make dinner some nights. But i can't. It is the weirdest thing to say - but i am having a hard time with this. I dont even vaccum my own bedroom floor. if i didnt make my bed every morning before i left for work, i would come home to find it made for me. And last night my dear cousin and confidant Christine made me realize that I am being stripped of my American independance. And i feel naked.
But then tonight i was standing outside of my house flagging a taxi when i spotted a man walking towards me in ripped clothes and worn shoes. Not thinking much of it i turned back to my task at hand - waving down a taxi. But then something struck me as odd. So i looked back to the man standing near a pile of garbage that had been set out for the trashmen to pick up in the morning. What i saw was this lonely man digging through the trash, looking for anything to eat, and anything of value. And it broke my heart. The song "hosanna" by Hillsong ran through my head at that precise moment " Break my heart for what breaks yours ... " One of my favorite songs had come to life, and in living color made sense. I felt it. I felt my heart breaking for this man. And then it hit me. BE THANKFUL for what i have here in Peru. I shouldnt be complaining about not being able to do the dishes. I am blessed beyond all reason to be able to be living here, in this country, and with this amazing family.
The sight of the man stayed with my for a long while after, and i think in some way it has changed the shock of these culturally accepted things i could not find myself to accept. And instead of complaining, i will choice to be thankful.

long time no ... writing (man i'm bad it this!!)

So many things are new and exciting in my life right now. At the top of the list would be my travels. Currently i am living in Lima, Peru for the next year of my life.

You know ... living in another country has always been a dream of mine. You can't imagine the feeling i get when i realize that i'm living my dream.

Do you ever get that? That moment in life where you are in the middle of something and then all of the sudden it hits you. " I am doing what i've always dreamt of"!! And maybe for others it's painting the piece of art they've had in their mind for years, or when writing a heartfelt song, or climbing mount everest. But for me it's when i'm sitting in a taxi, flying down a busy highway, cars honking, dogs running, smelling the scents of Lima (an odd mixture of smog, food, and culture) and i get this breathtaking realization - I'M REALLY TRULY LIVING!! And nothing in the world can compare to it. Nothing. I feel as though i should pinch myself somedays. It's almost too good to be true.